Self doubt blows - From doubt, to coaching, to honest conversations and greatness to come

A few weeks ago, the little person was sick with a fever yet again and the hubs and I were once again faced with the decision as to who would miss work this time.  While his job allows for slightly more flexibility, it does require more of him than mine, so it was my turn I decided. After a trip to the doctor and finally a diagnosis (it was a sinus infection and the first pediatrician was clueless) we knew he couldn’t return to school until he was fever free.  While we toiled with who would keep him the next day, the desire to run my own business had never been stronger.  I don’t want to keep choosing between the care of my child and simply a job.  Not a career, but a JOB.  Even though I have a hard time showing it at times, my family is very important to me and they are part of the reason I left my previous position as a personal trainer.  While the hours in my current position are a lot more family friendly, my coworkers and boss are great and the job is a breeze, my time at the end of the day is still owned by someone else.

You know I’ve talked of owning a business of my own for many years and have come up with a lot of ideas but have yet to truly bring any of them to life.  I’ve remained stuck in the same cycle of formulating an idea, somewhat planning and even going so far as making it official by acquiring a legal business entity buuuuuuut never quite following through.  Like EVER.  Ok, I’ll take that back.  I kind of started a small handmade jewelry company but I only sold a few pieces (3 to be exact to some friends).  I never did a lot to promote myself and basically allowed self doubt and the constant comparison to other businesses stifle my ability to ever really get it off the ground.  So while, I’m not a complete failure, although to have failed you had to at least have given it the old college try, I haven’t been the ideal entrepreneur.  I would say for the most part, I’m still a wholllllllle lot of talk and no real action.  Lets just be real here.  I would be lying to myself if I didn’t say so and I’m pretty sure a lot of you have been feeling the same way but you’re just afraid to admit it.  That’s ok. I’ll let you have your moment…….feel that pressure release?  Good!  With all of this swirling around in my head I knew I had to finally get my life and take action.  Not just speak about it.  But be about it!

Soooo…..I knew I had to do something.  Like immediately.  But I knew I needed a little guidance.  Besides the self doubt and the self sabotage from comparison, I’m also multipassionate which meeeaansss I want to do way too much because I enjoy and see myself doing so many things.  But we all know you can’t truly build an empire if your focus is being pulled in 5 different directions, not including your family and/or significant other AND a day job.  Having most recently, wanting to be a blogger, jewelry designer, skin care product creator, a health and wellness coach with a strong concentration on fitness, all at the same damn time, I knew none of them would thrive if I tried to achieve all of them at once.  After several conversations with the hubs and a friend and a few Jesus take the wheel moments, I decided to enroll in Marie Forleo’s B-school.  In a nutshell b-school helps you identify, conceive, plan and launch a business you love so you can live a life of which you've only dreamed. I know it may sound far fetched to some of you but check it out here for more detailed explanation.  Now the decision was not easy, particularly because of the cost but I felt at peace with it.  Unlike my decision I’d made to enroll in a personal training program.  I had felt this nagging sensation that this was NOT something I should be pursuing. But instead I chalked it up to nerves and the fact I was taking a leap financially while my husband was pursuing a business of his own sans a full time income.  Lo and behold, those feelings weren’t all for naught.  As I transitioned into a full time position as a personal trainer after our move to Austin, the excitement wore off and it hit me. hard. I didn’t want do it anymore.  Not because it was probably the most difficult position I’d ever held. it was, but I simply didn’t find joy in it.  I hated the repetitive nature of it.  Not to mention the used car salesman feel I felt each time when trying to sell training or a product to a client definitely did not give me the warm and fuzzies.  But the biggest drawback, the time taken away from my family, was the final straw.  I knew this wasn’t for me and I had to get out.  I was becoming angrier, gaining weight (ironic isn’t it) and all around unhappy.  

Now fast forward about 4 months.  I'm in the last week of marie forleo's b-school and I’m no where close to even being finished (having to start over and sheer tiredness). Although the modules are released weekly, its self paced thankfully.  While I can’t say its been the best money I’ve spent yet on helping me to solidify my next stage in life, it hasn’t been a waste either.  I went into it with somewhat of an idea (and peace with my decision to enroll) of what I wanted to do but could never make a connection to my why with a how.  Then after two separate conversations, first one with the hubs and then with a former and current student of B-school enrollee (you have lifelong access) and success story Krystle Rowry of Krissdidit, I had a revelation. Okay more like a duh moment and THEN a revelation. How could I teach and guide someone to actualize goals they’ve only talked about when I haven’t done it myself? Yeahhhhhhh….I totally missed that connection. And you’re wondering how right?  Well because I was only thinking about the skills I do possess and how someone could find them useful.  Given that moment of clarity, I knew what my next steps entailed.  

First, I knew I had to start B-school over.  Thankfully, I hadn’t gotten too deep because its pretty intensive.  Second, I knew I had to launch a totally different business. One that I was passionate about, I believed I could make successful, low start up costs (we live on tight budget) but also be a stepping stone to what I truly wanted to do.  And I have one, a natural skin care line. Its been right under my nose the entire time.  Over the years, I’ve concocted many a recipe for a hair butter for my dry, natural hair and only began to add in one for the body while pregnant with my son.  I wanted a more natural way to take care of my skin as well as his after his birth because the natural baby lotions just weren’t cutting it!  Even with my husband being my biggest supporter and tester, I simply looked at it as just something I did for myself and family.  But after creating my best recipe to date, a test of some of the competition, my sheer enjoyment from getting in the kitchen and creating (I get excited ya’ll when I’m waiting for my supplies to arrive) and positive feedback from friends and of course my little revelation, I knew this was it.  I could do this.  I am going to do this.  And you get to watch.  With a front row seat I might add, my successes, my failures and my aha moments along the way.  But I don’t want you to just be a spectator. I want you to be a participant as well.  I’ll be creating guides, worksheets and challenges just for you. Two are already in the works which means I’m for reals people.  I don’t want to continue to put my family or my mental head space on the back burner.  So, if you’ve read this far, thank you. If you’re planning on joining in, woohoo!!!  

Now let’s go be great!!!!!!