Dear Little Sir: Six Years And Counting
Well little sir, its that time of year again albeit a few days late. Honestly, I just couldn't get my thoughts together. And I'm pretty sure I didn't effectively communicate what I wanted to say. But I hope you understand and allow mommy some grace mkay?
Any who, your father and I have managed to keep you alive for one more year which brings us to a grand total of six whole years! You are freaking six!! While there were many times I begged Jesus to fix it because of your shenanigans, we wouldn't trade you for the world.
A lot has changed for us and you this past year. We welcomed your little sister, you were unfortunately asked to leave your montessori school AND you started kindergarten (woohoo!). Any one of those changes would be a lot for any child, but you have taken them all in stride.
Upon the news of finding out we were going to have another child, you were too excited. All that you requested was that it be a little brother.
Though you were disappointed after the gender reveal informed us it would be a baby girl you quickly came around and anxiously waited for her arrival. Since then, your father and I have witnessed the love you have for that little girl. It's clear that she has love for you too, often laughing uncontrollably at your silly faces or attempts to “scare” her. Sometimes she just gazes at you intensely while lying on your chest at your request. It's a bond that I’d hoped and prayed you’d have and one that will forever be unbroken.
With regards to school, you getting kicked out definitely threw us for a loop. As we were called to the school to pick you up nearly everyday for three weeks straight due to a number of things, your father and I were at our wits end as to what to do with you. “Beating you” was not an option as so often is the response of black parents. We just knew this was beyond “normal” kid behavior. So we sought answers in the form of therapy. While it was a welcome relief to have a diagnosis of ADHD, which I kind of suspected but also ODD, it still didn’t take away the sting of your dismissal from school. It made us question our parenting and if we were failing you in some way. But as your parents, we will never stop striving to do the best we can by you and your sister. ALWAYS. But I’ll also admit I had some not so shining moments this summer, often losing my shit because I couldn’t deal with your behavior or extreme level of energy while running on little to no sleep thanks to your sister. For that, I apologize. I will suck at times, but thank you for still loving me regardless. You’re more of what the world needs yet doesn’t really deserve. Please never lose your ability to love. You’re pretty good at that.
But your year didn't end there. You started kindergarten!! Annnnnnd that first day was kind of rough. I was in Target picking up a few things when I received a called from your school. It was the vice principal to be exact. My heart just sunk and I nearly came to tears. All I could think was not again. After speaking with her, I then a made a call to your pediatrician to discuss what were some options for us. I was even considering the idea that you may have to take medication to help control the impulses and lack of focus because I never wanted you to give up on a place where you have so much potential to thrive. But because your pediatrician is freakin’ rockstar, she recommended occupational and behavioral therapies. Her philosophy is treat the issue not the symptoms and I’m grateful for that. Now it has been a little less than a month since you’ve started both and you’ve come home with more smiley faces than not. Your little faces beams with pride as you relay the news while our hearts swell with joy. Even when your days are less than stellar and like to start by telling me about the good parts of your day before proceeding to the not so good, I am still filled with joy. Why? Because you’re choosing to be honest with us...most times anyway. I pray that you’ll continue to talk to us, expressing how you feel. We’re not always going to give the response that you seek, just know it will always be given out of love.
My sweet boy, though this past year has been one for the books, I know it’s just further shaping you into the great man I know you’ll someday be. You’re just as thoughtful as ever but equally stubborn. Both will come in handy now and in the future. You just have to learn when to use the latter. You’ll figure out...we hope. But since you do share some of my tendencies, you’re going to be a natural dissenter just because. I don’t know if I’m really ready for that but regardless, I love you just the same. Always.