As 2015 draws to a close, I find that I am all over the place. I was on my get right for few days because I found so much inspiration from Mattieologie’s #slayyourday webinar. I put my usual planning and in prepping in high gear by actually writing it out and getting ish done consistently. I even accomplished the biggest item on my to do list which was “launch” my new online store for natural skin care. Wait. What online boutique? Skincare! What!? Yeah I just tried to run that past you just to see if you were paying attention. Yes, I soft launched and I mean softer than lil bow wow’s rap career. Any who, I pretty much told only my girlfriends and even I didn’t tell all of them. Well at least not at once. I kind of sort of forgot some of them. We don’t talk or see each other often soooooo…..
So yeah back to this store. I put a store out into this world and said not a word, tweet, IG pic or Pin because well, I simply wanted it done. Yeah that sounds like a real good way to launch a business. The sales are SURE to pour in said no one. But it was still a big deal to me for a number of reasons. One being that it was supposed to have occurred on Black Friday but due to some very last minute planning, labels not being the right size and the fact no promotion whatsoever had been done, it didn’t happen. So then the next date was set for my 35th birthday which happened exactly a week later. Yeah no. That day came and went although I had ironed out most of the major issues. And then a couple of days later while on my birthday trip to Denver the deadline passed again. So finally on the 15th, which seemed to be a fitting date, I let the girls know I was in business. While nobody else knew about it was still accomplishment that it was done. Especially since I built it on my own using Squarespace. Then of course there’s the fact that “Hey I started my own business ya’ll!” I mean many people think about it daily but never do anything about it for so many reasons. When the years have passed them by, they are only going to be filled with regret for not taking a chance on themselves. That's just something I can't live with any longer. Which leads me to my next and most important reason. I was finally, truly saying yes to myself. I was giving myself permission to either a) fail miserably or b) give myself the opportunity to get better at my business.
I of course I’m went with option B because truth be told, that’s something I’ve never done before. I’ve started a number of businesses over the years but rarely did they see past 6 months. Shoot, they were lucky if they made it that far. Instead most times, I would crumble under the pressure I would put on myself to perform due to someone commenting that whatever I was doing could and should be a viable business. So for me to get it out there meant a lot. But yet it still doesn't feel 100% right. Sure I'm meticulous almost to a fault making sure measurements are exact. Consistency of the product is well, you know consistent. And that each product is crafted with a specific goal in mind. even with all that, I still question my path. Even though I study products AND their packaging on every trip to whole foods and know that my products can sit right among them, I still question. of course the big question is why?
Because I've been down this road before and nothing has stuck yet as I've previously mentioned. Plus, I don't know if it's my own personal hang up or something that doesn't exist until you're deep in it, but at times I feel that because I don’t have this confidence that I am on the path destined for me that it must be the wrong one. But I believe in some aspect that I am at least headed in the right direction if that makes any sense. I know that I am a creative. Always have been. But I am also super organized and believe there is a system or process for nearly everything. Both these parts of me work hand in hand very well in this new venture. Combine that with my love of math and that skincare outside of its benefits simply boils down to formulas makes it challenging yet somewhat fun when a formula works.
Honestly, I’m just going to roll with it because another year has come and gone and I am nearly at the same spot as last year. But things are a little different. While my clarity is lacking, I am not letting the skills I possess go unused. I’m throwing myself wholeheartedly into this business because my end goal has never changed. My desire to not let my fears control my future runs deep. My son, the little person who is the inspiration for it all, is watching. There is no time to waste.