This Is What A Man Really Wants In His Marriage

My wife and I have eleven years tucked under our marriage belt, and we've been through the rollercoaster together. Some days it's a cry for help - a self-made entrapment of our choosing screaming into the abyss of eternity. Other days, it's the ignorant bliss of purposeful farting in someone's general direction and knowing they won't leave your ass over it, but most likely plotting toxic revenge under the sheets when you're at your most vulnerable. 

And every crest and valley in between. 

A man wants to experience those crest and valleys of life's experiences together. Hand in hand screaming with a smile even at the anticipation of our next fall because the falls are a part of life. Let's hold on tightly - together. We wan't to know you won't let go in the dip, so we can enjoy the next slow climb up. We'll plateau - together. 

A man wants to learn together. Life likes to teach lessons. Life gets its giggles from teaching idiots like you, me, and millions of other dumbasses about our dumbass selves every second of every day. Think you have something down? Think this routine of life isn't too bad? Boom. Life. No leg now. Four flat tires. An iron laying on your shirt for too long. Cancer. Whatever. Life. It loves teaching lessons. It's the master. We learn how to deal with it - together. 

A man wants to fuck. 

Yeah, yeah - make love, have meaningful sex, and all that too. Almost a given. Many men including myself, love the intimacy of giving, receiving and acceptance that acts as the glue to millions of relationships. 

But he also like to fuck from time to time too - together. 

A celebration of the life lived, and still yet to come. The submission of our fates intertwined in a purposeful submission of ourselves. Who we really are. A couple that survives the rollercoaster of life together, hand in hand, still choosing one another - deserves the fucking that couldn't happen with any other person on the planet, because no other person has lived their lives - together. 

A man wants to see his wife love their kids. Let's keep it honest. We all know shitty parents. Everyone wasn't meant to be a parent. Some people need vaginal validation more than need a life to care for, but that's a story for another day. Today, I'm just grateful I have a wife who cares enough about our kids to try. This supermom image bullshit has to die someday. It's a struggle for any parent who gives a damn. Moms are just people trying to be less selfish so their kids have a fighting chance. Just like the rest of us, who woulda thunk it? 

A man wants to be open about how he really feels. Not just women love Drake. Many older men hate on Drake because he croons what we feel in pained silence to the world. And it pisses us off. We can't do that. Because our women wouldn't respect of if we did. Mine tells me all the time - "men shouldn't be crying and shit - it's not manly." That would make Drake cry. Then my wife would shit on him to prove a point. 

Believe it or not, there are times when a man wants to Drake himself and not get shitted on by his spouse. It's okay, we know she hates beta-type Dr. Wayne Dyer quoting men, but Dr. Dyer is a G and will always get respect in my house. So there's the rub. Basically, she don't wanna hear that shit all the time. I get it. You almost gotta get prepared for it, and we're not at point in our communication matrix yet. Learning. 

A man wants to be alone after 10 years of marriage. Alone time is good time. Great time. Meditation time. Focus on me time. Focus on whatever the hell he wants time. Maybe on family time. His choice time. His choice. His choice. He appreciates the choice. 

Which would bring us to the final, most important, and most obvious thing a man wants after a decade of marriage:

A man wants to feel appreciated. 

A man wants it acknowledged that his service has been both a privilege and a choice. Maybe it seemed he had no choice when he made it, but a person always has a choice. And even if that's simply the man he is - he wants who he is as a man to feel appreciated by those he chooses to give his life too. How does he want it done? Who the hell knows, you've had to have been his spouse for 10 years to know that. But the odds are he's told you a million times already. And if he's shut up over the years it's because he feels there's no need to repeat what he's said a million times already. 

A man wants to feel heard. 

Sound familiar? Who woulda thunk it?

Amber Washington