How It All Happens

For the last few weeks or so, my emotional well being has been at an all too familiar low.  Just yesterday, during my one one with my director, he called BS when my response to how things were going was a quick, “It’s cool. It’s good.”  He told me that I just hadn’t seemed like myself.  Despite not really wanting to admit that he was right, I filled him in on the short version that I was bored with my work and that I hadn’t really experienced any real growth here or anyplace else in my life for that matter. I didn’t go into any real detail after that and refocused the conversation back to work related topics but it still weighed in the back of mind.  I wouldn't dare admit or explain that what had actually happened was that I had lost myself in the pursuit of the hustle.

I've never really been good at hiding my emotions.  If I’m happy, sad or even angry, please believe me, you know it!  Whether I express it verbally or through my body language my emotions are out in the open.  Unfortunately, “wearing my heart on my sleeve” doesn’t necessarily play well in the workplace.  It’s gotten me in trouble (more like out of a job) in the past but thankfully, I’m in a different place with a different boss this time around.

For the past two years since our move to Austin, I’ve been so caught up in trying to find that “thing” that would not only let me be great but would also allow me make me tons of money (let’s be real) to live my ideal lifestyle, that I neglected myself.

I pretty much spent most of my free time in the pursuit of learning and then trying to use almost every tool I’d learned about to build a business based on a limited passion, let me rephrase that, limited rooted interest AND knowledge.  During this time did I not pick up a book to read, take a class to enlighten my mind or improve my life nor make time to nurture the relationships that are most important to me.

Since then, I’ve come to my senses and have begun to focus more on not only building a business that harnesses skills and passions I already possess but one that I can also use as a platform for my bigger picture.  Yet I still haven’t made an effort to invest in me.

Without continual investments, not only has my emotional well being taken a beating, but so has my level of creativity and my ability to add any real value to a conversation. Everything at this point is just an dry, empty desert.

Trust me I have not shortage of things I want to learn or do from learning Japanese, playing the piano and even learning how to move my body like Ciara (ya’ll the way her body moves is amazing). But I also want to have deep conversations with friends while sharing a bottle of wine.  I also want to ride in the MS 150.  But none of these things and more will not happen if don’t start making the decision consistently to make time for me.

So what can I do? Well…..for starters...

Organize my day to allow for at least 30 minutes to an hour of reading outside of a blog, social media or online news source  

Instead, I will continue on with my goal to read 6 books this year.  Yeah i know that seems like such a “lofty” goal but with my current schedule, I am allowing myself some breathing room to get this accomplished.  I am currently up by 1 book total if you combine half of a completed book and half of one I’ve started. I finished Shonda Rhimes’ “Year of Yes” this year (I NEED to do a review of this because this book was EVERYTHING!) after starting it late December and am currently halfway through  Terrence Jenkins’ aka Terrence J’s about what has made his life fulfilling thus far (fitting book at this time don't you think?). This will satisfy my opportunity AND my potential to learn from another person’s perspective.

Go back to living by my calendar

Now I know that may sound so mundane or too routine but hear me out.  Schedules and routines can also coexist with spontaneity too.  My calendar simply dictates what has to be done while saving room for what can be done.  I mean how else will “find” the time to learn how to get in formation with Bey or lose these 20+ pounds I gained during my time as a personal trainer with Lifetime.  These pounds aren't going to lose themselves nor can I donate them sooooo…….moving on.

Previously, when I planned my day and actually followed through with it, guess what happened? “Surprise”, I was actually productive and got ish done!!  I know, I know, you’re probably thinking no sh*&! still, it’s amazing how much you can accomplish when you actually make an effort to chip away at it daily until it's complete. But because I had fallen off doing that, I again found myself immersed in social statuses on the book of faces as well as constantly studying the number of likes on my instagram page for my business.  Neither is has been very productive, ok well maybe the IG stats but still not on a almost every waking minute of everyday basis.  time is one of your most valuable commodities.  Choose to use it well to make the most of this limited resource.

Engage in adult activities either by myself or with some new found or old friends (get your mind out of the gutter!!)

I find that the one thing I have been lacking the most and in fact craving is quality time with some girlfriends. Since our move here to Austin, of course I don’t get to hang with my girls as much as they are still residing in Houston.  And it pretty much sucks balls.  

I don’t really open up to a lot of people or care to spend my precious time with just any person so its been really hard for me to connect with other people.  Granted I met a quite a few people at my previous job as a personal trainer but most of them were young 20 somethings with no kids, no spouse and only minor responsibilities.  Given their stage in life our conversations and activities weren’t exactly on the same wave length.  Given my current position, I just don’t feel the need to get too involved with people I work closely with everyday.  Suffice it to say, I’m lonely.

While I could make frequent trips to Houston to visit my friends, its not practical on any level.  But I can call more frequently and actually plan out weekend getaways to see their smiling faces. Or I can start finding ways to actually knock things off of my to do list of learning in a group setting.  But I think I prefer and want to do both.

Good friends are hard to find, so I’m not letting go any time soon.  Besides, I need to work on being a better friend to the ones I have while attempting to form solid friendships with some select newbies.

Enriching your mind and body in a number ways does so much for your well being, your creativity, your LIFE!  It gives you balance.  It reminds you of who you are or better still, the person you are still yet becoming.  

By intentionally investing in you, you open yourself up to new experiences and conversations that could propel you to your next phase of your journey.

So I'll leave you with this, In the words of our friend, Bridgette, The Go Coach, “Slowdown.  Nature doesn’t rush.  So why do we?”