In no world where the internet doesn't exist where any human privileged enough to have access to wi-fi and products designed by Steve Jobs, and can self publish their elementary ramblings to the world, would I be considered a writer. 

But that's not the world we live in. And people pay me to write the thoughts in my head on the internet. So I've been criticized as a writer, but that would be unfair to every human who's taken the craft of scribing words serious enough to study and practice getting better at it. 

Because my writing style is more or less, get lost in my feelings about some subject, smoke marijuana, and spew it all out - guts and all - unfiltered, in one long rambling medicated rant that only makes sense to myself at the time, but almost always leads me to shame if I dare to go back and read my own thoughts aloud. 

It's probably great fodder for my future therapist, but currently still makes me cringe. And the worst part is people I know read this blog. Full of my most vulnerable expressions of both my life's peaks and valleys for them to judge on top my lack mastery of the English grammar. 

Well, f*ck it. 

This is me. And while the public can see what I write, I don't write online for the public. 

So why do you write then, Mr. Dumass? 

Glad you asked. I write for three simple reasons: 

1) My kids - These kids need to know more about their parents than what we say every single day. Because then the only thing they would know about us is some variation of ,"stop that, didn't I already tell you..., what did your mom say about it?". They need to know we've been only human since the day we had them. And this was us doing our best job of getting it right as we could. They need to know we their mom and dad actively worked together to leave them a trail of knowledge and history to follow. We hope the day will come they want to know who we were. 

2) My sanity - I don't give a damn who you are, you've dealt with some level of personal shit if you've been on this Earth long enough. Suffering is woven into the fabric of the human story. Every single one of us better be doing what we can to stay mentally fit as we face our challenges. I smoke, build businesses, have sex, consume positivity, write, and spend time with my family - obviously not necessarily in that order. Take any one of those things away from my routine and short-term chaos will follow. The writing helps me be more aware of how f*cked up I really am so I can actually address my shortfalls. If it all stays in my head, its normal. They keyboard pulls out the relevant. I just happen to do it in public, because why the fuck not? I'm not that special. I may be foolish, but not special. My story is a story of confusion and discovery. Isn't that everyone's story? 

3) My marriage - I adopted writing as a practice when I noticed my wife's blog. When she became frustrated in our marriage or with life in general, she would write about it. It was therapeutic, and quickly became clear to me writing was a better way to deal with disappointment than my methods of self-medication and avoidance. So I tried it out. I feel like I'm still trying. We just decided to try together on the same site. Just like our marriage is simply us trying our definition of it. No one's written the book on our marriage, but we're going to do just that. Having common interests shows how well we work together toward the shared goal of our best life possible. Plus, she's just a dope writer. May your spouse show you a better way to live as well. 

So I wouldn't insult writers by calling myself one. I happen to write, because I can't drop bars like K. Dot, or carry a tune like John Legend. So I write. I exhale. And Repeat.

Because who are the kids going to listen to? I guess me if it isn't you.